Baby Its Cold Outside
by Y. F. Fox
Summary: Christmas is near and a dysfunctional reunion is planned at Mia’s. Xmas isn't just about the legendary ‘mistletoe' & holly anymore. CH.9 Dais & Kento experience the pains of Xmas lights.
1. Road Rage

**BABT IT's COLD OUTSIDE**

**Part I**

_**Road Rage**_

* * *

There had been more snow during the night, though the flakes were no longer falling, and five young men eagerly anticipated seeing the diamond-strewn counterpane that quilted the front yard of the oh-so-familiar mansion of Mia Koji. She lived north of Tokyo, so it was rare for the boys to see heavy snow, except for Sage who happed to live in an area where snowfall accumulated in large amounts.

Rowen came to a stop sign at the crossroads and slowed his Toyota 4X4 to a halt as he approached it. He glanced in his review mirror and snorted. Sage and Kento were fretting over the last finishing touches to Mia's present. Not exactly the two people he had intended to be in charge of wrapping, especially since neither celebrated Christmas. Sage had griped that the present should be wrapped in traditional fabric while Kento argued flashy and vibrant paper would be more appealing. Kento won that round. However, the way Kento was tearing at the package, Rowen wasn't sure if the gift would stay intact. Luckily, Sage tore the present from Kento's abusive hands and handed it over to Cye who kindly volunteered to finish it for them. Rowen wondered what Sage and Kento would think of their retreat to Mia's for the holidays. Both were non-Christians unlike Ryo and Cye. Rowen was an atheist; he wasn't sure what to believe in.

Rowen began to drum his fingers against the steering wheel as an oversized truck, which had the right away took his own sweet time turning. The truck passed him, but not without skidding on the slippery road and splashing muddy snow upon his windshield.

"Damn!" he swore, "He did that on purpose!" Rowen rolled down his window and stuck his head out at the retreating vehicle. "Learn to drive you overgrown hick!" Impolitely, he extended his right arm and flicked his middle finger upward.

The sound of a blasting foghorn was the trucker's response. Rowen nodded with satisfaction. Those Clint Eastwood films paid off. No one screws up Dirty Strata's window and leaves without a proper "_thank you_."

"I think the long strenuous drive to Mia's is beginning to show. That was the eighth car you flicked off today." Sage said with significant lifting of his brows. Rowen flew his hands in the air in defense, "Hey, not my fault if everyone drives like possessed idiots. Who the hell knew any bubbling idiotcan get a driver's license. "

"Rowen I hardly think cursing and nearly running over those two older women today was their fault."

"They were too slow!"

Sage narrowed his eyes at the back of his head. "They were pedestrians! They had the right away to cross the street." Rowen stepped on the gas and made his turn down a private road. "Says you. I bet they walked right in front of me on purpose." Inhaling he mocked an elderly woman's voice, "Dear, look at the handsome young man in the car, we should walk right in front of him and 'slowly' make our way to the other side."

"Hey," proclaimed Kento cheerfully, "Does anyone know why the two chickens crossed the road?" Everyone groaned and slouched into their seats.

"Well," he continued with a slanted smile.

"To piss me off!" Rowen injected.

"Neah, I thought it was so you could run them over." Ryo burst out from the backseat. Kento whooped and shared a brotherly high-five with Ryo; while Sage responded by rolling his eyes and pressing his head against the cold window.

"Look, we need to calm down. Mia is expecting us and I would like to impress her with our wonderful manners. It's Christmas and it has been over two year's since we last saw her. We all agreed that this winter we would celebrate the season with her. Let's not destroy this merry holiday for her, she doesn't need that." Cye exclaimed reasonably. Yup that's Cye Mori; who acted the part of big brother flawlessly. The savior, the practical one and to the others dissatisfaction, the one who made them felt guilty anytime they started to argue over nothing. He shifted in his front seat to glare at the three boys through the review mirror and then turned his eyes to rest on Rowen. "You guys know what that is, right?"

"Manners? Way overrated if you ask me."

"No one asked for your sarcasm Rowen."

"But I'm so good at it _sweet heart_."

"Actually, mannerism is what Sage does when ever Mia walks into the room. Mister Shy-ness is always the gentleman around her; too bad she doesn't know the real Sage-OWW!"

Sage removed his hand from Kento's head. "Next time I'll use my something much harder on you."

Over the commotion Rowen managed to look ahead to see his sanctuary. The Victorian-style mansion stood magnificently by itself, surrounded by snow-powdered trees, and at its side a delicate iced lake. More importantly, the house held a bathroom; just like Rowen had thought _'his safe haven'_. As his car approached he irritably noted that no attempt had been made to clear the driveway of snow. You'd think with all the money Nasuti had she would be able to have someone clean her driveway: cheapskate. He slowed his car to make the turn, barely noticing three roguish men and a young dark haired woman throwing tightly packed snowballs at each other. The car tires crunched the crusty snow as he wheeled the vehicle into the drive, just stopping short of the gigantic windows that looked out to the stone driveway.

* * *

* * *


	2. A flirting Sage? Normal warlods? What?

Disclaimer: Ronin Warriors doesn't belong to me. sniffles I'm just corrupting it horribly. _grin_

**Baby It's Cold Outside**

**Part II**

**_A Flirting Sage? Normal Warlords? WTF?_**

* * *

The front door flew open as an enormous Siberian white tiger pounced his way to the parked vehicle. A fairly tall, auburn haired woman quickly followed after the animal, dressed in a pair of loose fitting khakis and a heavy white knitted sweater.

Kento was the first who managed to escape from the car; he practically jumped out of the vehicle before Rowen had a chance to put in park. He was afraid Cye would catch him and force him to lend a hand with the unloading of the bags. There were ups and there were downs with being Cye's best friend, and helping with chores was one of the downs. However, as soon as Kneto caught a glimpse of the young woman he spread his arms wide in an earnest welcome. "Hey good looking lady!" he chirped and encircled her waist in a firm hug.

"You're alive!" she gleamed in a lighthearted manor and returned another squeeze before drawing back. "Ryo called from a payphone an hour ago and said Rowen was on some … flicking off rampage?" Mia blinked twice; she could only imagine what Ryo's meaning was. The good spirited Rowen, despite being one of the smartest individuals she knew and even envious at times had a tendency to explode with piercing anger that matched no others. His fury unlike Ryo and Kento's consisted of accusing others for their idiocy, even if he was at blame. Which was often.

"Totally innocent," Rowen protested, standing next to his car door and stretching his sore muscles. "I had no control over it."

"We know! It was their fault!" echoed Kento and Ryo exasperatingly.

"Exactly," Rowen agreed and walked in a straight line toward Mia. "Long time no sees Miss Professor," he tipped his head dramatically. "Forgive me teach, but I'm afraid I have to use a tardy slip. I really need the bathroom if you know what I mean." He grinned sheepishly and pulled her into a quick hug. Letting her go he turned around and trudged his weary feet to the door, butbefore he entered, he shouted in her direction, "Don't believe anything they say. I was a good little boy." The door slammed behind him.

"Yeah, a good lil' boy whose going to get a lump of coal." Cye explained as he gathered a few packages from the trunk.

Rubbing the back of his head Kento glanced over to Mia, "What does that mean?"

"Oh, well, it's an old saying Kento. You see, parents tell a story to their children about a man named Santa Clause. On the night before Christmas, all across the world, millions of children will be tucked in their beds while "visions of sugarplums dance in their heads." When they awake they will check their stockings to see if Santa Claus has come. Around every Christmas Eve he travels around the world in a sleigh pulled by reindeers to deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls. But the bad little children get a lump of coal in their stockings." In forethought she added, "When I was little, my parents told me Pere Noel traveled with an assistant, known as Krampus, and he came with a sack on his back and a rod in his hand. Good children received a gift from the sack, but naughty children were punished by the assistant with a few hits of the rod.

"Mia, that's just sad." replied Kento as he envisioned a little Mia terrified of the Krampus elf and his rod. He thought about a making a joke about the rod and its double meaning, but thought better of it. There were lines he didn't cross, one of them being Mia.

Mia shrugged. "What can I say-I'm French." That explained a lot.

"Not a bad idea though, I think after today's show Rowen is the best candidate for a truck load of coals; or a big whooping from the rod." Ryo shouted bluntly from the other side of the passenger door.

Suddenly, out of nowhere an earsplitting roar echoed through the bitter air. It took Ryo a second to whip around and stretch his hands. "I'm home buddy!" He was greeted by being roughly tackled to the ground. "White Blaze!" he gasped from under the large animal and squirmed to shift the bone crushing weight off of him. "How ya been! Has Mia been taking good care of you boy? Yeah, alright! Eating anymore bunnies? Yeah? Eww…that's groose dude. Got into any trouble? No? That's my boy, you be good for me."

Mia regarded Ryo's reaction to his fury friend with curiosity. "Why does he ask questions and then answers them for White Blaze? I wasn't aware he had the ability to telepathically read minds of animals." She understood why he was so excited; it had been a month since Ryo paid his last stopover. White Blaze had been living with Mia for the past five years so their visits were always one of intense pleasure. Ryo's motive for leaving his friend behind was he did not think White Blaze would be happy living in a small apartment. He was also worried that someone would see the large tiger, which would result in the calling of the authorities and bringing unneeded attention. However, Mia suspected the true reason he insisted for White Blaze to stay was because the tiger would keep her company whenever she missed the guys. A token of remembrance so to speak of. How Ryo figured a four legged animal could take the absence of the guys Mia never knew. She thought it was more of an insult to think White Blaze as a replacement for the men; really, what did a hefty Siberian tiger and five enthusiastic men have in common? Or perhaps he was left behind because the maintenance of White Blaze was unbearable.

The corners of Kento's eyes winkled as well at the peculiar scene between man and beast. "You should see him when he tries to pick up dates. Ah-man, that guy actually had the galls to walk to this chick in a bar and said; Hey baby, you like me? Yeah? Good girl!"

"No he didn't." Mia exasperated in disbelief.

Kento shrugged off handedly, "Granted he was wasted but he still 'said' it. I guess it's a habit of his to answer other people's questions or something? A bad habit if you ask me."

"Hey, Mr. Philosopher, want to stand there all day and be useless or do you want to give me some help! And you don't have a choice, so just get over here!" Cye held out three items of luggage for Kento to carry. Gripping, cursing and upset, Kento took the suitcases regrettably inside the house. "Damn it, I knew you were going to get me sooner or later." Cye returned a knowing smile at the fleeing Kento. He made an oath that he wasn't going to be left alone with the entire luggage. It was a system he employed that made it appear like you were helping when in truth you made everyone else do the work. The master of deceit.

Mia let out a sigh of contentment, feeling a very odd sense of déjà vu. A grin appeared at the thought; it seemed like ages since the last time she saw all the men together, at her home and during a holiday. Everything was perfect; Rowen was recovering from his road rage, Ryo was overjoyed to see White Blaze, Cye was arranging everything to their standers or at least appearing to, while Kento was reluctantly leading a hand and Sage-what about SAGE? Mia spun around in embarrassment in search of the quite man. She could not believe she put him out of her mind.

She looked back at the parked car and spotted him. Within the backseat he sat silently, looking as though he didn't have a care in the world."Sage, why are you still in the car?" Not receiving an answer, except for a carelessshrug, she walked over to the open car door. "Prefer the car over me do you?" she teased, "Ah-yes, my company can be tiring at times but I doubt a cold car is any better."

Sage shook his head gently and propped one crutch outside and maneuvered his cast-rigid leg out of the car. "It's not bad company, it's a stubborn cast that's keeps me bounded in one spot Ms Koji."

Mia looked down with a start, seeing the restricted leg. "I'm so sorry Sage, no one bothered to tell me." Finished with her apology she glared knives over at Ryo's back who was still wrestling with White Blaze. He was the one that made all the plans for their reunion and forgot to mention the accident Sage had suffered. He even had the nerve to say everyone was doing well and strong. Sure, a broken legwas the essence of strong and well. She would hate to see what two broken legs, cracked ribs and a dislocated shoulder meant; _t_iptop shape.

Sage must have guessed what Mia was thinking for he quickly assured her, "I didn't think it was all that important. Nothing I wanted you to worry about or fret over. It's just a little obstacle thrown in my way for the time being. The good part is these crutches work wonders when someone is bothering you. Just one whack and he's down for the count." He thrust the crutch into better view. "Meet my new weapon for Halo, the _**Thunder-Crutch**._ I have a cane too." If he didn't speak up he sensed Ryo would have received a full loaded lecture, something no man should have to endure. Mia had a talent and she used it frequently when it came to reprimanding. If that was not bad enough, he would have to worry about Cye. Sage certainly did not want Cye on his back for not defending Ryo when he had the chance.

Mia accepted his excuse and waved the issue off. "The sword isn't doing it for you any longer is it? Out of curiosity, how did you do it?"

His mouth slanted cynically.

"Sport injury? Kendo tournament?"

He sighed irritably.

"Sisters beating you up again?"

"Nothing so glamorous I'm afraid. It was more like I slipped off a step at my grandfather's dojo and broke my leg."

"Well, I have plenty of sympathy for you if that's any consolation. They're painful to recover from." Mia said softly and offered her hand, "Need a hand, Sir One Legged?"

"I'm fine-"Mia ignored his brave attempt and shoved her hand out to him for support as he struggled to climb out. "Sage, fess up and just ask for assistance. You're ego won't be damaged."

"Thanks," he murmured wryly and straightened upright while insecurely balanced on one foot. Mia instinctively handed the one crutch which was leaning against the door before he had a chance to do it himself and stretched behind him to receive the other which was on the seat. She passed him the crutch so he could maneuver both under his arms, and let his weight settle upon them. The door creaked, announcing the return of the others. Ryo, who finally managed to break away from White Blaze stood alongside Sage.

"So Mia," Kento said enthusiastically, rocking back and forth on his heels like an eager child. "What plans have you made while we stay with you?"

"Well, I plan on decorating for the holidays. I left something's bare so we could string the lights; place the reeves, hang the mistletoe and adorn the tree together. It'll be fun. I even managed to rent a movie for us all to watch. A Chevy Chase Christmas, it might give you some ideas what Christmas is about, and maybe even some laughs." She paused to wave her hand, indicating to her small lake. The lake was cleared of any snow that had previously covered it, clearly prepared for use. Lanterns hanging from iron poles were placed along the edge, gleaming off the polished ice. "Kale was such a help by volunteering to prepare the ice for me. Maybe we all will try ice skating later. Sound good?"

"KALE!" was the aghast response that spread like wild fire.

Mia gave them a dazed expression and cocked her head. "Yes. Didn't Cye tell you? Kayura and I have become close friends so it was only natural for me to invite her, Kale, Dais and Sekhmet over. They never had a Christmas holiday, so you can imagine they we eager to participate in one. In fact, they didn't want to wait for your arrival, they wanted to help me with the lights and decorations before you came. And Kale wanted to get started on the spiked eggnog" she added sourly. "White Blaze even enjoys the company. He and Dais took up a certain alliance when they play snow war."

All reproachful eyes turned to Cye. Kento seethed. Ryo seemed angry. Rowen looked irritated. Sage just stared- he was really good at that."Whoops. I knew I forgot something." Cye clicked his fingers awkwardly and made a move to stand behind Mia.

"Damn!" cursed Kento, "That's all we need. A bunch of warlords playing, what was it you said Mia, snow-"

"SNOW WAR!" roared a new voice.

"Yeah, thanks bud, snow - **what** the? …" Kento huffed and was caught off guard when he was directly hit with a firmly packed snow ball. He yelped and started to jump from one foot to the other as the cold wet ice stung his face. "Damn you Dais! That hurts, son of a-"

"Enough!" Mia interrupted as she tooka familiar disciplining stance. "I don't want my holiday ruined because you men still have a few difference between each other. I happen to be friends with the ex-warlords and Lady Kayura as I am friends with you gentlemen. I want a truce or you'll be responsible for one pissed off woman."

"Yeah, but he threw snow at me!"

* * *

It took quite a bit of bullying – a call to his family inquiring to restrict his food supply – and a few death threats - but the oh-so-powerful Mia was able to get Kento's temper under control.

* * *

Dais smirked as he strode over toward Kento with a wet snow ball in hand. He threatened the young man by tossing it from one hand to the other. "I was only playing Hardrock." He replied innocently. Kento grounded his teeth together. Dais just had to rub it in his face, _literally_. How he despised that man's cockiness.

"You know, five-year-olds have better communication than you two!" Mia grumbled, "Would it be too much to ask for you to just kiss and make up already?"

"I'm not kissing **that**!" both men growled at once.

"Oh brother, it's a figure of speech, ok?" Mia whimpered in despair. "Dais, please apologies. You are the eldest and far more mature. You know for a fact that you are able to distress him easily without me telling you so. Please, just try to be nice, even if it's pretending."

"Jezze, thanks Mia," Kento remarked sarcastically, slightly irked at being called immature. Dais bowed to Mia's request by tossing the ball of snow aside and dusted the ice-powder against his slacks. Keeping his face straight he stretched out his hand. "I am apologetic, Lord Faun. Forgive an old man for trying to play a kid's game. No hard feelings."

"I wouldn't shake your hand if it had honey dripping from it!"

"Kento Rei Faun!"

Kento snapped back like a rubber band, "Except when Mia insists." He coughed as he smiled forcefully and deliberately took a hard, crushing hold of Dais's hand.

"Lady Mia, gentlemen," Kale nodded coolly to the new arrivals. An exhausted Sekhmet and an excited Kayura, both drenched with melting snow, arrived shortly after Kale. Kayura's eyes glimmered brightly with exhilaration when she noted that the younger men had finally arrived. She and her other three companions had been waiting for hours and to keep a former warlord waiting was not an incredibly intelligent thing to do. Fortunately, they were all on vacation so blood shed was not necessary. She quickly turned away her smile however. It only took a moment to realize their company was not as enthusiastically welcomed as it was with Mia. Standing at Mia's side she could see she was scraping her teeth against her bottom lip until the point it turned white. If that kept up, Mia was bound to pop a filling.

_Men can't do anything right… _Kayura griped inwardly. She came to a conclusion that it was time for a woman to take action, something none of her companions could possibly comprehend. Straining a young woman's pleasure she addressed them, "Hey, you guys really need to try this snow war game!" Receiving the desired response, which were looks of annoyance; she skillfully looped her arm within Mia's and gave her a reassuring wink. "Mia, don't trouble yourself. If the men don't lighten up soon," she crackled in soft tones, "I could always use them for target practice. My North and East armies are singing up new recruits and believe you me; those guys are going to need all the help I can give them." Mia arched one reddish-brown brow. "Oh, don't worry," Kayura reassured, "The guys will be bounded by magic-resistant iron shackles, so there is no fear of my soldiers being harmed during the training session."

The young men remained tongue tied as they stood silent. They couldn't beleive their eyes. When they knew Lady Kayura she barley spoke a word unless it was some off colored remark or lectured on nothing but war. Even Kale seemed off, but he was always off to begin with. Sekhmet was smiling too; it looked peaceful and utterly happy. If he wasn't creepy before, he sure was now. Did they hallucinate or did Dais actually apologize to Kento for teasing him and Dais wasn't even sugar coating his crude comments. And to top it off; the ex-warlords were dressed in regular dress pants and bright colored sweaters. They looked positively normal; it was like the twilight zone.

"You guys need help with the luggage?" inquired Sekhmet. He was annoyed at the uncomfortable silence. If someone had to break the spell, it might as well have been him. His wet clothing was too cold for comfort and he desperately wanted to go inside. "If not we can stare at each other all day."

"Thanks" Cye said with a genuine smile, "At least someone wants to help." He eyeballed Kento and shifted his thumb towards Sekhmet. "You can learn a thing or two from him. You see, he actually offers to assist; I didn't have to order him. Take notes." Cye indicated for Sekhmet to follow him to the car. Together they started to separate the rest of baggage. Cye on the other hand, had every intention of loading all the bags onto Sekhmet- after all he was the master of deceit and he had no plans of doing chores.

"Don't worry Hardrock," Dais whispered dryly, "Sekhmet is a big brown-nose, damn basterd always aims to please." Kento gave Dais a doubtful look; not sure if he should take the older man's jesting seriously. "I already figured that out." He responded cautiously, "That whole Master Talpa crap, he really emphasized on that damn word. It was like that scene from Star Wars; you know, 'Luke I am your father.' I bet Sekhmet was hoping Talpa would acknowledge him as his rightful son and heir." Mia stifled a chuckle under her hand at the expression on Kento's face. He obviously wanted to strangle the older man for throwing a snow ball at him, but at the same time he didn't want to be the one to cause an argument.

Dais titled his head to the side in thought. "More like praying. While we served Talpa he dedicated a shrine to him. The bright side is at least it wasn't as big and colorful as Badamon's."

"That snake venom of his is killing off his brain cells."

Mia relaxed. The guys should give the ex-warlords more credit; they had no interest in lighting a quarrel and visa versa.

A cold chill suddenly blew through the group, warning that the weather was bound to grow chillier as dusk settled. She glanced up to the sky and knew that the wind was right; it will be getting darker and more snow was bound to come in a few hours. "Why don't we go in and warm up? Sounds alright? I have a movie, and we can make popcorn and hot chocolate."Grunts and nods was the response. They didn't have to be told twice and were already making their way to the house.

"Gee, what a responsive bunch they are." Kayura grumbled as she kicked at the snow covered driveway. "I tell you Mia, without us, those numb heads would be a lost cause. We are the force, we encourage, irate, criticize, scrutinize, discipline, and bitch at them. No wonder we overpopulate the men, the gods obviously favors us."

"You know, you say that so convincingly that I almost believe your woman empowerment speeches." There was an amusing quality about Kayura that many neglected to see and Mia was glad to say she was one of the fortunate ones. She'd rather see Kayura's amusing half then her commanding side. Mia heard from a reliable source that after Talpa was defeated Kayura brought back Badamon's soul so she could torture him on a daily basis. Apparently Badmaon never had a nurturing mother but had cried out to Talpa on many occasions to save his spirit from corruption of Lady Kayura and her dirty hands. "Give them time; it's been too long since they all got together under one roof. I think after a few drinks and relaxation they will loosen up."

Kayura's eyebrows rose skeptically. "Those better be strong drinks."

"Don't give me that look, you'll be surprised. Miracles happen."

"Rrrright … and this miracle wouldn't include a club hammer, a few illusions spells, caffeine enactment pills and two overbearing women?"

"You saw the club hammers, didn't you?"

"Basement closet, I came across them as I was trying to barricadeWhite Blaze in there."

* * *

When Mia came to a sudden stop below the oak porch her arm was draped across Kayura's shoulder. Kayura, alerted to Mia's abrupt stop looked ahead and there was Sage, who waited peacefully on the second step. Such a gentleman. A little too much of a gentleman for Kayura's taste; she figured he had a freak side within just waiting to come out.

"I figured I should let you two know," Sage warned as he eyed Kayura and Mia, "considering I have a broken leg I would appreciate it if you kept the club hammers away from any of my body parts. And Kayura, no offence, but if you want dummies for your new recruits to practice on, use your own men."

Kayura leaned forward and placed her hands on her hips, "My, what sensitive ears you have."

"All the more better to hear you with."

Kayura blinked, "You know, for some unknown reason I actually like you. Not all the dull-pretty boy I thought you to be." With that said she withdrew her hands from her hips and hurried up the steps. She politely pulled the door open. "Get along crippled, while I still have the nerve to treat you decently."

He awkwardly turned around to climb the other steps. "You make that sound so easy." The concrete stairs leading to her front door were clear of any snow and ice, although they were wet. Icicles dripped water from the eaves overhead, splashing and splattering when large droplets hit the ground. Without saying anything Mia ran up to his other side.

"And you make me feel rather pitiful," he teased gesturing to the helping hand.

Mia ignored his remark, "Can you manage all right?"

"The steps I can manage," Sage replied with a short dry laugh. "It's the three flights of stairs at my dojo that were impossible. I plan to smash the Zen garden apart as well, too many steps."

"Glad to see you're still in good spirits. Anyway, it would be a lot easier if you would just holler instead of making me second guess if you need help or not. I'm only a shout away." He paused his movements once he reached the top of the steps, "No longer a Professor- huh- Nurse Koji? Have the medicine kit and all too?" He replied as his astute ice-blue eyes skimmed her thoroughly and took note of her heated cheeks.

"Yup, Nurse Koji and I can even hire some good looking ladies as your personal candy stripers."

Sages bristled ever so slightly, "I think you have me confused with someone else's perverted fantasies. That's definitely not my style. That alone would drive me insane. Trust me; I have enough women in my family to keep me on my toes as is.."

She must have allowed her face to faltered, because when she glanced at him, the measuring study of his gaze took on a mocking gleam. "Rowen's style." Mia acknowledged dourly.

Kayura watched silently from her spot as Mia and Sage continued their teasing. Odd, but it seemed neither noticed the obvious flirtation that they were emitting.What _a bunch of dumb bunnies. _In her opinion, Mia really needed to mess around with more men if she everwanted togetover her proper naïveté and Sage- he needed a damn clue!

"Done flirting yet?" Kayura interrupted irritably at the door, "What do I look like … a doorman?" Mia and Sage immediately ceased speaking and stiffened as they flushed red from head to toe.

"We, I-, eh, were not flirting!" Sage blurted scarcely aware that he was stuttering. Sage was not the type to betray his emotion or much less immediately act upon it. Kayura merely gave him a look that could only be interpreted as '_tell it to someone who cares._' He frantically looked to Mia for help but she seemed to be in worse condition then he was. Her head was held down and her hair obscured her face from his searching eyes. Huffing he made his way to the door Kayura held and swung across the threshold.

An easy smile played upon Kayura's lips, "Very interesting. Denying accusations so fervently only proves that you're guilty. You noticed he was not able to control his usual composed self."

Taking a deep unsteady breath, Mia strode to the door. "Not a word. Or I'll tell a certain wolf general you were the one who spread the rumors he was having an affair with your Treasure's wife, daughter, cousin, grandmother, sister and half-sister." she warned.

"I never told you such a thing." Kayura protested as she followed after Mia to the kitchen.

"You were drunk; you said a lot of things." Mia said straight-faced.

* * *

**YFF:** _whew_ Please review …. And I think Kale is hot! (for a cartoon-that's so sad)…. Anyway, kidding aside, I would like to show much gratitude for the reviews. You guys … ah shucks … Continue to idolize me! Yes, my fans, love me, adore me! I am your god! 


	3. The Great Emperor Jerry Springer

**Baby Its Cold Outside**

**Part three**

**_The Great Emperor Jerry Springer_**

* * *

Carrying a bowl of popcorn, Kayura and Rowen headed into the living room, where Kento thoughtfully arranged the sitting area to occupy the nine guests. The salon was done in warm colors-cranberry walls and mahogany crown molding adorned the space. Richly grained cherry woodwork was used throughout; including the built-in bookcase which held Mia's treasured manuscripts and encased a 52" television. The house was inviting and ornate with the spirit of an old war library. You could smell the lingering scent of cherry tobacco from Mia's deceased grandfather's pipe. Kale and Sekhmet sunk into the café au lait sofa, kicking their feet up on the large leather ottoman. Opposite of the oversized sofa was another pair of matching tapestry chairs and a small oriental side table, a dim Tiffany lap sat upon it. A lavishly French style loveseat with walnut trimmings sat across from the chairs. Large pillows were scattered on the shaggy carpet in Moroccan style surrounding the ottoman should anyone decide to take the floor instead.

The room was immediately filled with company; Kento and Rowen sprawled onto the floor, Kayura settled on the loveseat alongside Dais. Cye and Ryo helped Sage to one of the chairs. Sage quickly caught a pillow that Rowen threw at him. He nodded thankfully as Ryo grabbed it and positioned it under Sage's injured foot. When everyone settled in comfortably Cye headed toward the kitchen where Mia was presumably making hot cocoa.

After Cye left, an awkward silence plagued the room. It was extremely uncomfortable. Not a sound. Not even the crickets were chirping. No birds. No arguing warlords. No bickering samurais. Not even a demanding war-lady. Every thing was silent and still. The only indication that there were living beings was the sound of breathing and shifting of eyes.

"Tap..Tap..Tap…" Kento drummed his fidgety fingers against the legs of the ottoman. "Tap…Tap…Tap…"

The sound of a forced cough added to the irritating tapping.

"Tap…Tap…Tap…"

Another cough erupted through the room.

"Tap…Tap..Tap…"

Someone began whistling.

"Tap….Tap…Tap…"

The whistling continued to a Jingle Bells beat.

Kale raised an irritable eyebrow at the racket, "Cease the maddening rumpus or pay the consequence!" His voice was solid and hard, he promised should the noise continue he would make good on the threat.

"Don't get your panties all in a bunch." Kento grumbled, "You'll give yourself a wedgey." Kento stopped his complaints as soon as he felt an overwhelming hatred pointed at him. "Just kidding… he-he…you know…joking." There was no need to look behind him and clarify the glare; he could feel Kale's abhorrence. Letting out a restless sigh he stretched his arm and picked up a slender black object from the ottoman. _What we need is some diversion. _

Upon seeing Kento reach for an instrument Dais immediately rose halfway out of the loveseat as he took a defense position, ready to attack should the young man pull any tricks.

"What is that Hardrock? A weapon? What trickery?"

"What the-…" Frozen his mouth dropped open and closed with snap. "Dude, it's a remote control-for the television. You know," he waved it in the air "to watch T.V.?"

Dais glared at Kento ever wary and distrustful. Sekhmet and Kale guarded the magic devise Kento had called a "remote control" carefully. The warlords have only been to the mortal world a few times and most of the information that was brought to their knowledge was by word of mouth or books. The Dynasty was a world of its own and although it was prosperous their technology was nothing compared to the mortal realm. They based their culture on traditions of the federal era. But this odd name threw them off; did some magical creature control it? Was this beast called Remote?

Embarrassed, Kayura slumped into her seat and covered her face with her hands; _Damnit, of all the things I neglected to say about the modern world it would have been the stupidest and weakest gadget! The ancient ones weren't kidding when they said you could take a warlord out of the Dynasty but you can't take the Dynasty out of the warlord. Curse the dead! Damn you! I bet they're laughing their asses off at me? I can't take this; the responsibility is killing me! It's not my fault so why punish me! It's-it's…it's his entire fault! Yes, it's because of him…Stupid Kaosu! Oh, Anubis too! Damn them both! Anubis and Kaosu, when I see you in the afterlife, I have one piece of advise; RUN! You're hides are mine! Damn you, curse you! _If there was a bright side to the situation, it was the Warlod's reaction was far less embarrassing then it was with the automated, perfumed, musical flushing toilets found in Tokyo city. That's the Japanese in a nut shell; taking worthless gadgets and making them sparkle with "cute/_Kawaii_" attitude.

"Kento," Sage interrupted firmly with his hand held out, "Give me the remote." Kento did as requested but moved cautiously for Dais did not take his unnerving eyes off him. Sage lifted his brows as if he found the whole situation amusing. "Gentlemen, if you will be so kind as to divert your attention to the screen, that's the big box like thingy." Sage couldn't stop a small teasing smile from forming on his lips, "I shall show you the magic in this devise and what it can create." He pointed the black object at the very large square looking box that was in the bookcase.

The warlords saw the 'box like thing' flash and a picture surfaced on the screen. Two women locked in what appeared to be mortal combat had just fallen on the floor and almost into the audience. The audience was chanting. Listening closely the warlords realized it was a man's name. "JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!" the miniature people continued to chant. This man must have been some great Emperor for his name to be chanted as such. The warlords were quite interested in this Emperor named Jerry Springer. Such respect this man received, indeed he was a mighty warrior if they ever saw one. Not even Talpa himself earned such praise.

Kale watched and once again found himself amazed by the modern world's technology. Perhaps Lady Mia had trapped the spirits of miniature people within the large box and they appeared at the command of this "remote control". Kale slowing turned to gaze at the leader of the Ronin's, Wildfire. Surely this was torture to the innocent lives in that box.

Ryo caught Kale's accusing stare and became more uncomfortable by the minute as his dismay grew, "Why are you staring at me?" he snapped, "I didn't do anything man, so back off!" he pointed to Rowen who was laughing at the whole scene. "Glare at Rowen, no ones been picking on him!"

Rowen gasped at Ryo. Did his friend just attempt to shift the burden onto his shoulders? _Oh, no he didn't! Shit…the warlords are looking at me!_ "Hey, you double back stabber!" Rowen shouted angrily at Ryo, "Try that again and I'll teach you drivers Ed… the Rowen way…" he moved his eyebrows up and down, "**_Hint, hint_**."

The warlords seemed bewildered at Rowen's statement but it must have had some affect on Ryo. The young man appeared as though he swallowed some sort of concoction; the poisonous kind.What the warlods didn't know was not only was Rowen's road rage unbearable, but his backseat driving was worse. His backseat driving skills were cultured from his short visit to New York; like a good student he learned quickly.

"What sort of magic does your woman process Wildfire? I thought Lady Mia had no powers and here I see she's able to trap the souls of innocent lives within her screen and make them appear for her whenever someone uses that device…re-mote… con-trol." He studied the screen thoughtfully; _Smart little wench she is, I will give her that._

Upon hearing Kale identify Mia as Ryo's woman Sage turned his reproachful eyes at the warlord. Why was it that everyone assumed that the leader always got the female? What a ridiculous notion. He swallowed hard and clenched the remote control in his hand; General Kale was not as wise as he considered himself to be and if the man presumed Mia belonged to anyone he was **full of shit**. After all, Sage was far prettier than Ryo.

Ryo stared at Kale for a minute before he rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, "Geeze, thanks General Kale. But as flattered as I am, let's get one thing clear; Mia isn't mine."

"Is that so? Then I'm happy to hear so." That is, if it was possible for Kale to be happy. Sage retained his unemotional expression, but there was a distinct hardening in his eyes. Kale's response did not put him at ease nor did the wicked twinkle he saw in the older man's eyes.

* * *

Mia and Cye returned from the kitchen a short time later and started handing out the mugs of steamy cocoa with melted marshmallows floating on top. Mia snatched a mug, sipped quickly and took a seat in the matching chair opposite of Sage. Sage could hardly restrain himself when he notice Mia's nose was coated with melted marshmallow. But he didn't say a word about it. Cye settled between Kale and Sekhmet. There were only so many places he could choose from. He did not mind the arrangement though; he was actually starting to warm up to Sekhmet. The youngest warlord was not as distant as he had thought and interestingly, he was an extremely bright man. Cye found out that he was a Wiccan, a master in the arts of healing by using natural herbs and remedies.

Dais eyed the brew. _Odd, it looks like a toad potion, _he took a careful sip of his own cocoa and stretched the tip of his tongue way out, trying to reach the sticky ring of white substance. He licked his lips. _Impressive, this brew is delicious._ "Lady Mia, I commend you. Wonderful brew." He saluted his mug to her and took another gratifying sip.

Mia had to stifle a smile behind her hand. Dias was not aware of the marshmallow on his upper lip. "I am pleased you like it so." She shook her head, "Kayura, would you hand him a napkin; it's by the table that is next to you." She pointed to his upper lip, "Dais, you eh-," she laughed softly, "some marshmallow on your upper lip." She demonstrated by rubbing hers and noted the white stuff had been on her nose. Embarrassed, she accepted a napkin thrown at her by Kayura.

Kayura shoved another napkin at Dais, which he grabbed. "Well, at least we know how Dais looks with a mustache," she smiled wryly and purred. "Dais, be a doll and don't stop shaving." He made a noise that sounded rather close to a snort.

"Very good Mia! You're the best! Mmmmmmmmmmm…" Kento slurped the cocoa down and rubbed his stomach, "You have to tell me what instant mix you used."

"It isn't instant," Mia looked aghast. A woman of her wealth would never scope so low as to use instant mix; actually, she'd use the stuff, just never admit it. She had to be tactful. "I made it from scratch. You are drinking the real Koji, with milk, cocoa, and sugar-the works."

Kale leaned forward and inspected the cocoa, "A woman who can make such a wonderful thing from scratch," he raised his eyelids and looked directly at Mia, "is a woman of great attributes."

"Pleeaaaseeee…" Kayura drawled as she rolled her eyes. She didn't like the playful tone Kale directed at Mia. Kale was not good-nature, it was beyond his character. Kayura shot Sage a fleeting glance. Apparently she wasn't the only who noticed the secrete meaning behind Kale's words. Sage's dignity kept him from commenting but his expression showed his spite.

"Did you see that?" Sekhmet interrupted, as he jumped up on the couch and pointed, "Great gods! Look! That fat brunette wench pulled down the bald woman's sweater and her mammary glands popped out. Very large ones, too. I notice there's some sort of technical censorship this magic box has devised a blurry portion on the screen to cover the exposed areas. This mortal culture is very squeamish, apparently," he observed, "about flabby breast."

"It's improper to show body parts on access cable," Mia told him sternly, looking around the room trying to locate the remote control. _The Jerry Springer Show _was the last thing she wanted to be watching at that moment. She had a movie to show. She refused for Jerry to corrupt the minds of the warlords and turn them into perverts; as his show usually does to its viewers.

Sekhmet and Kento began chanting with the miniature people in the box; "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!"

Kento glanced back at Sekhmet and said quickly; "You know it man! Jerry is the king of all American talk shows! He's like a professional shrink, only better."

Sekhmet looked away briefly from the television screen where the brunette guest, still without her upper clothing but appropriately blotted out in that area by the T.V censors, was attacking Jerry Springer with a studio folding chair. "Yes, Yes, I noticed." He said and raised his hands. He couldn't believe it! The women who had brought their problems to Jerry Springer had fallen on their helpless boyfriend and they were now tearing him apart.

"Well you see," Kento explained enthusiastically, "Those fat ugly chicks are there to discuss to Jerry what a loser their boyfriend is. Their dead-beat boyfriend was two timing them. Wait till they bring out his stepmother, he's two timing her with her first cousin."

Mia stood up and moved in front of the television much to the warlords and Kento's dissatisfaction. "Please don't watch this. Those people are monumental embarrassments."

"I am aware of that." Dais shifted to the left on the loveseat so he could see around her. "Actually they're Ka-Kani demons; I spotted one of them; the boyfriend and so was the bald wench. A good-for-nothing lot, Ka-Kani demons are a bunch of riffraff who fill up the outskirts of the Dynasty world and apparently some have escaped and moved to the mortal realm, operating under the delusion they're passing."

"This one," Dais pointed at an audience member who was making crude hand gestures to the fat brunette. "the one who is mouthing off, she's a Ka-Kani too. The brunette is actually pure blood-like you, but she's hanging out with a bad lot. Ka-Kani demons are bad through and through, and they don't respond to rehabilitation."

Rowen sat straight up. For a long moment he couldn't speak. "You're kidding, aren't you?" he managed. "Did I understand what you just said? Are you trying to say Jerry's guests are demons-from the Dynasty? Ka-Kanis?" he stumbled on the pronunciation.

"Can't get rid of them either," Dais leaned back and folded his hands in a comfortable gesture. "They're like fleas-they're everywhere. Breed like damn rabbits too."

"Dude, that makes so much sense!" Kento nodded perfunctorily and turned back to the show. He wondered how many demons were hiding on earth passing themselves off as humans. Kento intended to see _Maury Povich_ and find out. Tilting his head he peered at Rowen, wondering if he could bea Ka-Kani demon? Not likely. Dais said Ka-Kani demons were a lazy bunch, not overachievers who needed road-rage management. "I bet my middle school sensei was a Ka-Kani. Evil witch, I knew it all along!"

* * *

****

**Author notes: **Thank you for the reviews! Sorry it took my awhile to update. Next chapter will be; "_Chevy Chase for inspiration_" (chapter four). Then we have the evil snowman building, maybe a snow fight, ice-skating the gaudy decorations galore and finally our mistletoe scene. Just who will be under that mistletoe? Or should I; how many will be under that mistletoe. evil crackle I just love the idea of Mia and Kayura being friends; just think of the hell they could inflict on the guys. Oh, isn't Sekhmet cute! I always thought he would make a good wiccan… And after watching Jerry I wouldn't be surprise if we see him on the show. He'll probably start whacking off all the Ka-Kani demons. (In fact; that might be a good idea) I love you all. Keep cranking up the reviews and I'll be submissive to you forever!

**Okay, to clear one thing:** Confused why the warlords were shocked to see TV? Well…I stated in the beginning that they had a wide knowledge of the modern world, but there were some things that slipped by. (I doubt they knew what a remote control was. Any information they learned 'was' of sufficient importance…remote controls are not important.) Granted the Dynasty was a magical place, but far as I could tell; the culture was based on the federal era. Flying boats, yes they had that; but I didn't see cars. I didn't see television and I know for a fact I didn't see Jerry Springer. Plus, the story wouldn't have been as funny if they were techno-literate.

"**But the warlords saw TV in the beginning of the show!" **As far as I know; mirrors are not considered a form of television. The mirror scene which Talpa showed the warlords (Mia grabbing soft drinks from the fridge) was technically not a "television". It was a two way mirror which permitted the warlords to look into the modern world, the events which were taking place at that very moment. Not a cable show where folks chanted Jerry or beat the crap out of each other. Wonder if they got Girl's Gone Wild on that two-way mirror.

**Official information **"concerning why Sekhmet is the youngest & why Kale is more distant"

_-Sekhmet/Naaza (real name is Yamanouchi, Naotoki)_He was born Oct 9, 1551. Sekhmet is the youngest warlord. (Anubis and Sekhmet were actually born the same year, but Anubis was 5 months older.) Sekhmet is the baby! (That remark is going to land my on Sekhmet's X-list) Dais 1549 is the oldest, Kale 1550 is the middle child.

_-Kale/Anubisu (real name Sasaki, Kujuurou) _I'm not sure if this is fact, but I like the idea. It deals with Kale's scar: He once defied the head of the Date family and was given a slash across his cheek by the samurai. Kale angered him more and was given a second slash. This created his scar. Because of the events that took place Kale has a deep hatred toward all heads of the Date family. Supposedly this led him to Talpa, he joined in hopes of revenge. I point this out because it will explain the tension between Sage and Kale. Fact or fiction … I have no clue, but it sounds believable.

**Reviews**

Fuma: I'm glad you think I kept the guys in character because I happen to think they're a tad off. When I heard your response you gave me hope that I didn't mess up the story. (yet)

Winter Peacecraft-Yuy: Thanks WPY, I am thrilled that you are happy with the outline of Baby Its Cold Outside. _throws eight bags of pixies sticks_

Svelte Rose: Best time to read is in the wee hours of the mourning! I'm so glad you like the way I portrayed Mia, especially coming from a talented author such as yourself.

Crazy Cookie: Whiteblaze and Ryo's relationship is a bit odd. I wish Blaze could talk telepathically. Then maybe I wouldknow what he really thinks of the Ronins. (eh, maybe that isn't such a great idea…hehe)

The Desert Fox: Thank you for the complement. And I hope your favorite couple (Ryo and Mia) lives forever. (I'm not the biggest fan of them but…ah-what the hell…) Mia & Ryo forever!

Max: Our Aim timing sucks girl! We need a system, an arrangement that is uncomplicated for even us to follow.

C.G: I'm glad you think _Baby Its Cold Outside _is funny, at least someone thinks I'm capable of a little humor. _glares at dull family_ j/k (just incase one of my family members reads my work, which they do. "I was only teasing.")

I.W.D: Wow, to have you review puts a big smile on my face! Thanks for the complement!

Tenku Greywords: Your review made me laugh out loud. In fact, I'm laughing while I'm writing this. Gee, what to say…THANKS hahahahhahahhaaha…

Maryd: As far as Yuile goes, uh- well, I thought about him and am still deciding. He won't exactly be 10 years old anymore, more like 15 years old. I have to think about it; maybe Whiteblaze will eat him for Christmas dinner or something. … Thanks for the idea…how about I have Yuile as a problematic teenager who is into Goth fandom:makeup, nit stockings, armyboots and all? I like that!

Dark Child of Earth: Yes! Another clever lady knows that Kale is too hot to boot! You my dear are wise beyond your years to realize this. -.-

Lady Dragon Heart: I just love your name…hehe, had to let you know that. Anyway, Chevy Chase is one of my favorite Christmas movies. It holds a special place in my heart. It's scary, but my family, including me, is like the Chevy Chase family anytime we go on vacation. (We never had a normal vacation. I don't know the meaning. hehe)You know the little rodent scene in the Christmas one? We had the same thing happen to us during a Christmas dinner. Only grandmother screamed so loud the poor rodent had a freakin heart-attack in the den and died. Don't get me started on the Christmas lights…if you drive buy around the Christmas season we're the one house that looks like its on fire. (Lights galore. My dad is very competitive with Christmas lights)

Inyasha luver: Ah, so I see I even have managed to grab an Inuyasha fan. I am so pleased. I love Sesshy/Fluffy! I'm glad you have found a Christmas fic you like. Those Mary-Sues can be overpowering in the RW section. Yaoi doesn't bother me, I have a few favorite stories that are yaoi but they're not in the RW section. I normally like yaoi with stories that identified the characters in the show as being bisexual or homosexual. I just don't buy it for RW, authors make them into females. Wildfireflame is awesome though, she has a talent. Seiji and Nasuti is my favorite couple, I'm crazy for them. I also support Rowen/Mia and Kale/Mia. (But Sage is so much better..hehe) I don't care for Ryo, but I have a few fics that I love that have him and Mia paired. Sage is the most respected warrior. I love him because he seems to be able to lose his temper with Mia easily. He's cool headed but when it comes to women, he's a lost cause. "Hehe"


	4. Talpa or Bob the snowman?

**BABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE**

**Part Five**

**_Talpa or Bod the Snowman?_**

* * *

With the sun setting, the light dimmed to a mellow glow around the looming snowman that, when completed resembled no other snowman in the archives of recorded history. "Even so, a snowman ought to _look _like a snowman, not a leering mutant from outer space."

"You do have to admit it takes a lot of creativity and imagination to build such a unique specimen." Sage added, eyes following Ryo as he splashed cheery juice over the snowman's chest. Sage turned, appalled. _So much for the jolly snowman…more like the rotting remains of one._

"Didn't anyone ever tell you snowmen are supposed to be cheery?" Mia mused, addressing Kento, the one responsible for the idea. The creative mind of a man always seemed to travel between the thin red lines of sensible and ridiculous.

"That," Kento corrected, looking proud and boyish while he studied his work. "is a true masterpiece. It captures the raw emotion of Bob." He delicately placed a toy plastic samurai helmet upon it. "I feel for Bob. Bob's been corrupted by the innocence of children.You try spending your only winter season with a bunch of kids who sing annoying songs while running on a sugar-high and T_HEN,_ see if you come out all chirpy and jolly. "

"She already does, Jr." Sage replied dryly.

"Are you trying to say Bob the snowman needed Prozac?" Obviously, Bob the snowman was inspired by the American classic Frosty the Snowman. Mia assumed the guys were not much for originality, but that was nothing new.

Rowen paused and erupted in his own giddy laughter. "Definitely! Though I can't help but wonder if the guy was a paedophile." His last words were said seriously. "Kinda unnatural for a snow-guy in his 40's to be hanging around a bunch of little kids, all gay and joy like. Oh-and do you remember that snow-chick from Frosty the Snowman? It was as though the kids ran their own 'mail-order-bride' shop: Wanna a girlfriend? Give us a ring and we'll create her for you. Beast sizes optional." Mia didn't know what was scarier; the fact Rowen was making a conversation over a child's tape or the fact that he actually watched it himself.

"I like Frosty the Snowman. That was a good American classic."

"Sure Mia, but do you know what Frosty the snowman was really singing about?" Mia looked over at him, wondering whether he'd been into the spiked eggnog already.

"Frosty the Dopeman! And," he proclaimed excitedly, "Remember that time we went out with my parents over Christmas Eve and the restaurant was playing the Mexican Christmas carol, 'Feliz Navidad? Criminals thought the song said, 'Police…open UP! Police…open UP!" Nope, it seems Rowen flunked the 'Hooked on Phonics' program as a child, or his father dropped him on his head one too many times. Then, much to Mia's protest he started to sing. "I want to wish you a Hairy Fishnut…I want to wish you a Hairy Fishnut!"

"Rowen!" Ryo tossed a branch (one of the many limbs that adorned the snowman) at him. "Enough, no more renditions!"

"Ay now!" he defended and quickly made his way to Mia's side before Ryo thought the helmet was sturdy enough to throw at his thick head. "I'm just making an observation." Head slightly turned he caught Mia's silhouette and grabbed her shoulder in a jerking motion. "A lot like my observation of Mia over here, all in her pretty sweater and no coat. But," Mia imagined little devil horns growing on his head and a tail lashing from side to side. "No worries Miss Mia, body-heat-Rowen to the rescue."

A trimmed eyebrow arched, taking in Rowen's wet, cold jacket. Her shoulders slouched. She was only wearing a heavy sweater and had no coat to protect her from a soaked up-Rowen. She just hoped he didn't plan to cop a feel. "I like cold. Cold is my friend." _Oh yeah- smart one. _Now she's definitely going to be Rowen's target of the day.

Kayura ignored Mia's pleas and strode to the very-familiar snowman. "Take the flirty-younger man's advances girl. It only happens once in a life time…younger men that is- then they get all old and haggard, make farting noises and piss on every corner." She snickered and went back to studying the snowman. _Damn, _the whacked snow figure reminded her of someone close. The name was on the tip of her tongue too. Who the hell looked this deformed with red cherries for eyes, shard icicles for teeth with a cheap cigar stuck in between? Not to mention the poor attempt at hair by using one of Dais's extensions. _Oh, yuck, _and major body order coming from the lining of the helmet. "Holy Dynasty all mighty!" Her stomach wrenched, finally placing the name of the person or Dork-myster as she addressed him. "This is-appalling! Monster Bob may have been your goal but in no way does he look it." Scowling she demanded, "Who's the genius behind Talpa the crack-head?"

"Hey! Don't dish Bob with such a sullied name. He's a monster, not some underprivileged loner," Kento stood in front of his 'Bob' protectively and extended his hands in claw fashion. "he's all GRRR and ARGGGG ! He's not some pathetic wimpy girlie like Talpa was."

"Whatever," Kayura sighed. Will Kento ever stop referring to Talpa as a girl? Was a girl somehow so devious and corrupted that a radical figure, regardless if he was a man, had to be dubbed a 'girlie'. "I'll give you points for creativity, minus originality but as far creepiness go; you make me think you're the one who had some deprived childhood." She smiled benignly, as if dealing with a temperamental child. "What's the matter Kento; did your mum not give you enough hugs?"

"Shut it bitch."

"Prick,"

"Undeveloped hick."

"Jumps to action before he thinks."

"And I bet you wish I'll jump you."

"Pig!"

Kento flashed his teeth, seemingly pleased with the remark. "Oink, Oink baby."

"Ego much?" She questioned with a facile tongue and a roll of her eyes.

"All the time babes, all the time." He repeated the last for good measure and sauntered off to the house. "Don't put the moves on Bob. I know how enamored you were with Talpa and powerful men alike." he paused with a twinkle in his eyes, which seemed to annoy her more. "Although, you're welcome to flirt with me. "

"YOU WISH!"

* * *


	5. Chevy Chase & a Drunken Warlord

**BABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE**

**Part Five**

**_Chevy Chase & a Drunken Warlord_**

* * *

_Meanwhile in the house …_

"I'd like Anubis, our boy do-better, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy limbo universe, and I want him brought right here with a big ribbon tied around his neck; really tight, a big tight knot. And, I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, shit-mouth, low-life, snake-licking, kiss-ass, Mr. goody two shoes, dirt -eating, inbred, overstuffed on himself, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, skinny-ass, lazy-eye, stiff-dick… wait I already said dickless," flapping his hand awkwardly he continued, "Uh back to the top; spotty-lipped, lopsided ass, worm-headed, sack of monk-wannbe shit he is! Hallelujah!" Kale snapped his fingers and pointed at the two ex-warlords. "You know that red was not his natural color, right? And since we're on hair color," he narrowed his hardened eyes, "There is no way that wanker of a Poof-Sage, is a natural blond!"

Dais voice drifted into a hush whisper, "It's known now … Kale has some serious issues he never got over."

Sekhmet found it hard to remain coherent when Kale was anything but. "Eh, wasn't like we never-suspected? I just hope he doesn't realize my hair color isn't natural either."

"Oh, and Kale's one to talk?" Dais drawled in a mocking tone. If Kale was so infuriated with hair dye, he should be condemning Rowen instead of Sage and Anubis. At least those two could pass off red heads and blonds as their own whereas blue wasn't even on the natural color chart. The boy even dyed his eyebrows; did he somehow think that made it look more natural?

"WHAT the HELL are you two whispering about!" Kale roared, taking another loud gulp of Mia's hot cocoa (which Sekhmet thought was wise to spike, not realizing that Kale snuck in his own STRONG liquor). Seeing the guilty-free glances they shot him he finished the cup and threw it at Skhmet's head. His calculations were way off target and the cup landed on White Blaze's tail instead. The tiger woke up from his nap with a bored expression. Curling his lip in disgust he got up and left to find solitude. White Blaze was beginning to think that perhaps the warlords weren't so different from the Ronin's: both couldn't hold their liquor for the life of them. He should've joined Siegfried and Roy's company when he had the chance. At least he would've been paid instead of being a freelance hero.

"Yo, what's up with the Puppy-General?" Dais turned around surprised to see Kento. He was not so surprised to see him munching loudly on gum though. "Alcohol and Kale don't mix well." He supplied, "You could say he's using us as his shrinks while he rants and raves about unnatural hair color."

"Uh…What?"

"Don't ask for the details."

"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss Anubis ass. Sage, kiss your own Poof of an ass. Happy Chanunakany or whatever you call it. Ye know …that holiday where that religious guy… I think Kayura said it was Saint Charleston Heston parted the red sea…HEY, does anyone know why the _devil's hell_ they called it the red sea? Did people leave body fluids in it or what." he laughed like the true drunk he was. Still chuckling he began to search through the seat cushions where he hid the other bottle in case of emergences. He pulled the Tequila and shook it to a see a worm wiggle. "Hola, Senor Worm."

Kento rubbed his temples as Kale clamped the bottle between his thighs and looked down through the top. "He ever heard of AA?"

"Yeah, it's called ANBUIS the ASSWHOLE!" Then he stuck a finger into the top. He frowned when he couldn't reach the worm which was taunting him with its mean-o wiggles. "Come'her you daft worm!" Badamon must have possessed the creature. Bastard had a habit to meddle in things he shouldn't. He dug in deeper but didn't succeed, so he pulled his finger back. However, the finger didn't come out. "Hey, gimme my finger back, you worthless bottle!" The bottle ignored him. "Senor Worm, tell the bottle to gimme me finger!" Frustrated the worm didn't do as he asked he flicked it off with his other hand.

"Okay. Bud." Kento spaced the words one at a time and walked carefully over to Kale. He couldn't believe what he was seeing: Kale the Wolf General of seriousness and scowls was behaving like he was actually entertaining. Not to mention he spoke Spanish and knew how to flick people off-- who knew. Despite how fun it was to watch Kale drink himself into oblivion it had to stop. Kento gave him one more look over that clearly read as irritation and kicked his leg. "You washed up loser; must you annoy me all day?" Sighing dramatically he bent down to lift him up, but Kale obviously didn't want to move. "Get off ya skanky ass you ho and go drown in booze somewhere else. I wanna watch a movie and you're cramming my style." If that didn't get Kale up and about, nothing else would; except maybe a group of stripers. The general had a real problem with women, especially loose women and women dressed scantily. Did he mention women?

Kale understood the words that came out of Kento--or was that Rowen--

Damn. He was getting confused again.

Regardless, the words Kento (or Rowen) used were rude. Absolutely, positively, horribly rude. He was Kale the Conquer, the man who won the dynasty war, captured the hearts of both Kayura and Mia, as well as the whole populace of women, and most importantly kicked Sage's ass. He was pretty sure he kicked Sage's ass or was that Ryo?

Damn. Again with the confusion.

Doesn't matter who he deafeated, the point is, NO ONE calls Kale a 'YOU'! He had a freakin name: Master All-mighty- Powerful –Dead-Sexy- God's Gift to Women, Wolf General! Use the damn title. Kento--er Rowen--whoever was a rude man, rude and rude! He sprang from the floor on unsteady legs and stroke a pose that looked more like a drunken Irish man than a trained warrior. He had Kento's position within sight, and thinking that his surprise attack would work he launched forward, hands stretched to throttle the boy.

"Oppsh!"

He landed on something hard with a noisy thud and a curse. It most definitely was not his intended target. From the looks of it, it seemed to be a table. A table Mia would be pissed to see smashed to smithereens. Growling he pushed himself back up and fisted both hands together for a punch. That's when he realized he could make a fist with both hands without the bottle being stuck to one of his fingers. "AY! Where did me bottle go?" He looked frantically around before spotting the shattered bottle. Forgetting he was going to teach 'the rude man' a lesson he kneeled beside the glass. "You freed me freakin finger. God bless you Senor Worm!" he patted the dead worm. He wasn't very responsive for a dead worm. With his blessings he picked the worm up from the broken glass and swallowed it whole. As the worm went down under, he noticed all the movement he did earlier made his stomach flip-flop and his head roll. "Crap.." Kale muttered and lost his balance, falling clumsily backwards on the cushions."I hate Japanese's interpretation of tequila."

"Well, looks like Kento saved the day again from another daft warlord."

"Anyone ever told you that you're a dork?" Sekhmet inquired as a matter of fact.

"Yeah, your mom did last night." Kento watched with smug delight as Sekhmet rose from his seat and left.

"So, Dais…" Kento asked trying to crawl over the sick general. "Wanna watch National Lampoons Christmas vacation? Since you're the only one left and all, it's only natural." He paused, thinking he made his request a little too friendly. The last thing he wanted was the older man getting the impression he was trying to be buddy-buddy and that was just not right. He had a reputation to keep. "It's not like I want to watch it with you, but I also don't want to be alone. You'll have to do"

"Wasn't that what we were supposed to watch last night?"

"Yup, but we never got around to it. Or did you forget our marathon of Jerry Springer?"

"Damn Ka-kani daemons." He spat in revulsion while at the same time giving a brief nod. "Why the hell not. Put it in. Can't be any worse then hearing Lord Kale snore."

"No, hearing Rowen snore is worse."

* * *

_An hour later into the movie…_

"So, from my understanding, Christmas includes 25,000 "twinkle lights", a tree that's too big to fit into the house, lots of presents, getting together with people you don't even like, and a fight between boss and employee over a Christmas bonus that almost didn't happen?" Legs crossed and arms lying in lap, he waited for a reply.

"Uh, yeah, pretty much I guess." he conformed after a minute passed by. "The bright side is that we have the 'not liking each other' part checked off."

Leaning forward in his chair, Dais studied Kento suspiciously. "You lived here how long and yet you never heard how to celebrate Christmas."

"It's the truth. And I'm not from Japan, I'm from China. Get you're countries straight. The big celebration is New Years in Ol'Red and I believe it's the same here in Japan. Didn't say I never heard of it, just that I don't get it. Not even a Christian, so how the freak would I know!"

Dais pushed himself up from the sofa and strode over to the fireplace where he took a moment to think privately. Pathetic did not begin to describe what Dais was about to do. "That settles it then…." His smug grin gave an eerie feeling. "Where does Lady Mia keep her 25,000 lights?"

* * *

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Author notes: I give credit to National Lampoons Christmas vacation and god-forbid if anyone has a Christmas like that. Now, as far as the characters go, I'm trying my best to give them their own shine of light. (Hard to do when you have 11 or more people to work with…not to mention how demanding/bossing they can be) Kale was so loveable, wasn't he? Hehe… I remember during one Christmas Eve party my family held, and my uncle got wasted. My uncle was one scary guy, always frowning and boring to talk to (he never was my favorite family member) but when he became drunk he was laughable if not a little weird. So, I figured if Kale got drunk he would be more open with himself. Did I mention Kale was lovable?


	6. Christmas Boner

**BABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE**

**Part VI**

_**Christmas boner**_

* * *

"Time out," Kayura gasped and pretended to fiddle with her zipper's coat that she pulled down herself moments ago. "No wonder it seems so cold. Stubborn zipper keeps sliding down." She tugged the tab, making sure it seemed like it was stuck.

Rowen threw down the snowball. "Such a girl," he mumbled and pulled off his right glove. "Just stop squirming and I'll pull it up." Kayura had expected his offer and when he went to grab the tab, she twisted sharply, aimed her shoulder at his chest and with all her might pounded down like a quarterback. He moved aside quickly, and Kayura moved right past him, into thin air and landed head first into the snow bank. "Never saw anyone turn their own head into a snow drift before. Smooooth."

She huffed and tried to wipe the snow flakes out of her face. "Okay, so this festivity is a little young fore me-" Rowen's eyebrows rose in mock expression. She huffed again. "Okay, granted I'm over 400 years old, so that makes me more of a child. However; criticizing my tactics is not the wisest thing to do."

"Righhhhht."

"Hey, I'm just giving you a warning, that's all."

"A warning needs to be flagged in my face? You're the one who defeated yourself on your own." He muttered. "Genius sweetheart."

A wide grin broke out on her face as she looked slightly over his shoulder. "Neah, didn't warn you from me, just the girl standing behind you with a stack of hard, packed snowballs ready to aim." Soon as he turned around a barrage of huge snowballs smacked him the shoulder. He yelped and shouted. Kayura took the opportunity to stick her foot out and he tripped, twisted and went down like a load of bricks.

"That," Mia informed in a very proud voice. "was for hugging me and getting all that wet snow all over me." Not to mention the handful he got from Mia's backside. She wondered if she should accuse him of a being a HENTAI but thought better of it. When he rolled to stand she hurled another one at his face. She smiled. "That was for picking on Kayura. Never dish a fellow sister _'sweetheart'_." Seeing he didn't plan to move yet, she walked over in a taunting manor. Rowen didn't flinch and continued to lay there with hands folded behind his head and a thoughtful look plastid on his features. "Aren't you going to make a move? Or at least a smart-alecky retort."

"What's the point?"

"Uh, since when did you need a point?"

Rowen turned his head to Kayura and smiled harmlessly. "My pride is in tatters. Give me sec while the fact Mia took me by surprise sinks in."

Mia gaped at him with disbelieving eyes. "Oh, give me a break. Even I don't buy that!"

"As long as he doesn't repeat any corny phrases which cause my eyes to roll- I'm okay with his lame excuses."

Rowen placed his hand over his chest and dramatically allowed his head to roll back. "Pride cometh benuth me wound!"

Thoughts flicked through Mia's mind as she recalled Rowen's tough-guy frontage, as well as his over acting. In a way, she could understand why he refused to get up. He hated the fact he was outwitted by a girl. He was trying to shove the whole episode aside with a pathetic attempt at humor. He was embarrassed. Mia giggled from the inside; Rowen was a true 20th century sniffling dog. It's moments like these that Mia didn't see the quick- witted Rowen, but a little boy throwing a tantrum. "It was a lucky shot for me, Rowen. Please get up." Mia held her hand out, but she still kept a steady eye on him incase it was a trick. He shoved it aside and stood on his own. "Could've told you that. Luck just seems to be on your side, _sweetie_." He gave her one of his famous exaggerated winks and a pat on her cheek (the cheek on or face, not her backside).

"I do try." Mia muttered warmly; glad he didn't take it as serious as she feared. As usual she overreacted. She almost thought he was going to shove snow down her shirt. An old memory she would like to forget he did.

"HEY!" Kayura objected firmly as she too rose from the ground. She wasn't pleased with the truce between her archenemies. "No nicey-nicey talks now." Mia sheepishly peered through her thick eyelashes mouthing the words sorry. Kayura could not help the uneasy feeling from running up her spine. It didn't take a mastermind to figure out when Rowen conceded it was dangerous. However, before she could jump him, she found herself back in the snow drift.

A triumphant Ryo hollered his ambush. "Man, some lady general you are. You didn't even see that one coming did ya babe? Well, your loss is my gain and as usual the boys win."

"Don't flaunt it when your win depended on catching someone off gaud, kiddie."

"Too bad Mia," Rowen challenged as he loomed over her and twisted his hands anxiously at his sides. He was the picture of a greatly amused male. "especially since that was the exact strategy I had planned for you." Mia swallowed hard and started a slow retreat. "If you hadn't noticed, my act got you over here and made you leave your guard down. I'm not one for work as you know. I try to make it as easy as possible and you did just that, _darlin."_

"What…what's with the twang?"



* * *

Sage slowly made his way down the dirt path with his cane balanced under his upper body. He had entered the house not long ago to find Kento and Dais no where in sight, Sekhmet and Cye gossiping and last but not least, a snoring Kale. Who, by the way made noises of a drowning cat and spoke Spanish. When Cye announced he was about to retrieve everyone from outside Sage insisted he go in his place. It had to be better than staying in the house and hearing Kale snore.

With a sigh of relief Sage finally reached the clearing. The air was very quiet and eerie, a little too quiet for his taste. The silence didn't last long as loud male laughter could be heard, a scream and a cursing Kayura. The deep, malevolence laughter he heard earlier could only come from one person that he knew all too well. It wasn't just a creepy laughter, but one that sounded like a mad scientist- a mad Rowen that is.

"YOU CHEAT-" Mia shrilled and made a dash toward the house only to be grabbed from behind. Sage frowned and sighed, the cold air forming a cloud around his mouth. Heading forward he ventured into the danger zone to make his announcement so he could leave quickly. As Sage came closer Mia was shoved backwards and unfortunately, collided into him. Hands had immediately shot out to grab her shoulders, but the effort was in vain and both toppled down. A broken leg and graceful movements didn't go hand and hand.

"Thanks," Sgae managed to drag out, having nearly the breath knocked out of him. Mia appeared small, but in no way did she feel it. "Pick on the crimpled. I'm so grateful for your kindness, Rowen." Mia who finally realized it wasn't snow she landed on twisted her body upright and with an awkward jerk straddled his hips. "I'm so sorry! You're not hurt are you? Can you move-" She continued ranting her apologies while Ryo made his getaway. He mentioned White Blaze was eating yellow snow and he had to make sure the tiger knew it wasn't pineapple juice. Rowen simply whimpered, wondering who was going to be madder; Mia or Sage? He hoped it was Sage. Mia's adult lectures reminded him of his mother. The whole point of the Christmas getaway was so he could get a way from his family get-togethers, which were really not family oriented at all.

Sage clenched his jaw into a fake smile. In truth he wanted to bash Rowen's head in with his cane. He'd like to see Rowen with a broken leg and then have something heavy thrown on it. It was hard enough to deal with the inconvenience let alone be reminded of the painful memory of the injury. If he hadn't fallen in front of his students or was rushed to the hospital by his older sister he would have been able to mend the leg himself. But _NO,_ everyone saw it and should he heal the leg, the doctors would think he was a miracle patient. He blinked away his frustration as Mia taped his shoulder.

"I'm fine." He responded and pulled his lips into a tight simile as she shifted on his lap. Apparently she didn't believe him and was conducting her own examination. However, Mia honestly couldn't expect to shift on a guy's lap and not expect the hip region to not become sensitive. Just peachy_-_risk mortal embarrassment and let her find out for herself just how responsive he was or throw her off and pray she didn't think he was being impolite. He was pretty sure if he threw her off she would think just that.

Mia on the other hand paid no attention to his inner-struggles. She nearly put him in the hospital and all she could think about was if the lingering scent of aftershave on his smoothly shaven jaw was citrus or lavender. Both were strange scents for a guy to be wearing, but Sage being the pretty-boy was allowed to be feminine. He was a metro-sexual after all. She was satisfied he was fine and not permanently crimpled, but her behavior had her on edge. She needed a distraction before her nervousness became obvious to everyone. She struggled to focus on what Kayura and Rowen were discussing but ultimately gave up. She then eyeballed his garment and wondered about the stitching. It was quite excellent if she said so herself. The color was unique too, not many men could pull off powder blues. Had she mentioned the stitching? Damn! Slowly she allowed her eyes to flicker and pulled back . It seemed to break the spell that kept her frozen and silent.

"I need you to move Mia so I can get up." He whispered through a dry throat. She nodded numbly; a little sadden at the separation. As soon as she stood, Rowen squeezed in between and assisted Sage the rest of the way up. He continued to stay by Sage's side as their forms soon disappeared in the cold evening. Mia figured the guilt was probably settling in and it should. It was, after all Rowen's fault. It was his fault she ran into Sage and his fault that she went all Mrs. Roberson on him. As much has she would hate to admit it, she had issues. She couldn't be the only person to have fantasies about playing the older woman – younger man role. Kayura was an expert on these sorts of things. Kayura looked innocent for all her big dreamy-eyes and porcelain skin, but the woman could have very well issued the Kama Sutra books. It was hard to have a normal conversation with Kayura while she ranted on about the best orgasms. Kayura should really think about her own sex show or column. She could be the next Doctor Ruth - minus the shortness and oldness.

"You know, if I were you," Kayura broke the tension and lopped her arm within Mia's. "I would have felt him up." Her hands demonstrated exactly what she meant. "Squeeze, squeeze." Mia's eyes immediately shut closed as blood began to pound in her temples. That was not the visual she needed!

"Oh, come on! They're ripe when they're young! And Rowen does it all the time to you!"

"Yeah, well, I don't reciprocate."

"Admit it, you like it."

"Fat chance."



* * *

Rowen's laugh was low and entirely too knowing. "So, exactly what was with all the squirming and biting lips bit about?"

Sage's gaze sliced to Rowen's face, the heat already rising in his cheeks. "I have no idea what you're talking about and-" he held up his hand to warn off Rowen from responding. "I don't want to know." Rowen grinned even wider. "You're just lucky that Ryo wasn't there. Or you'll hear him announcing to everyone how ripe and juicy red your face was with Mia straddling and twitching on your-"

Sage swore. God, how he wanted and needed to throw a hard punch at Rowen. Since violence was never his forte he would have to settle for tripping him with his cane.

"Hey!" Rowen objected, already rising from the fall and dusting his pants off. "Jeeze, you're dangerous when you're embarrassed. No wonder you never dated in High School."

"You're my friend Rowen." That was an obvious statement, "And even an annoying brother at times," Sage drew a deep breath that did nothing to clear his mind. "but you're traveling down a dangerous road I don't think you want to be on."

Rowen laughed and stepped back, holding up both his hands in a peace-making fashion. "Sage-Sage, for crying out loud it's almost Christmas. What will Mia say if she saw her favorite boy coved in cuts and bruises?"

Sage ground his teeth together and kept at bay his dangerous thoughts from racing away with him. "Did Cye ever find out what happened to that Koi fish his older sister bought for him five years ago?" He looked over his shoulder with a slight limp to his walk and saw Rowen's roots go gray. "If memory serves me right, you were on a science binge back then too. You were performing an autopsy on a fish, right?"

_Seems Christmas is famous for blackmail…_

**Author notes:** I LOVE Kayura. She's too kawaii. (gags I hate that word. I hear it all the time over here in Hawaii. KAWAII! Annoys the hell out of me) I figured she can beat up her mistletoe smoocher. Kayura's such a cute tease. Not for sure, but I am trying to find a way to sneak Yuile in. He's always good for a few laughs…sometimes. And yes, I think Kayura could be a seductress. She's the kind of girl who could talk about sex as though it was like talking about a football game. She may look young in the anime but it was stated she was 400 years young, give or take a few. In my belief, it's important to have a friend who always says what you're thinking and Kayura does just that for Mia.

Also, thank you for all the reviews.

A few days ago my friend and I were discussing about healthy environments. She mentioned New York as one of them; I simply snorted taking this as a joke and replied that I don't think New York was the best place and that I've been holding New Jersey in reserve. Know this, I was trying to be sarcastic but I think she took me serious. She asked why I thought New Jersey has a healthier environment. Again, I snorted and replied to the likes of; "If you're worried about pollution, I don't think New Jersey exactly wins any awards. I don't think they cleaned up their toxic waste dumps yet. But they have an NFL football team ……… and the football team looks pretty healthy." She nodded; "That's encouraging." Now I realize just how dumb that discussion was and wondering how the HELL that topic ever came up and even worse… why did I post it here? laughs Perhaps I could use it in a future story… I thought it was funny.


	7. Pissed off Santa

**Baby It's Cold Outside **

**Chapter VII **

_**Pissed off Santa **_

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I really can't stay…but, Baby It's Cold Outside… Bing Crosby blared out of the speakers and Kale clapped his hands over his ears. "Aaaargh," he gritted out between clenched teeth. The infuriatingly, earsplitting music was doing nothing for his hangover. "I'm begging you, Mouri-san, TURN IT OFF!"

Cye leaned across the couch and shoved a full glass of some mixture into his hands. "Had enough of Christmas, have you?" he commiserated. "Drink it. It will help with the headache." But to Kale's disappointment, Cye made no move to turn off the music filling the Koji's house with holiday cheer.

Cye figured if he blasted the music loud enough, the warlord wouldn't be able to sleep his day away. It was also fun to see him squirm.

Kale stared down at the drink and finally lowered his hands to clutch at it. "You're sure this drink is powerful enough to cure 'my' headache?"

"Works every time."

"From personal experience I take it?"

"Eh…."

Kale smirked clandestinely behind the rim of the cup. "Who would have thought that the well-mannered Mouri-san was such a pleasure-seeker?" He grimaced as the warm, grotesque liquid made its way down his throat. It left a bitter aftertaste on his tongue and he couldn't help the equally displeased expression from crossing his rugged features. "This taste like crap."

"It should, it's what I made it with." A hint of amusement flickered in Kale's midnight eyes, but the only word he reverberated was a deep rumble.

"Out of curiosity, what are you wearing to tonight's dinner?"

Kale lifted a bushy eyebrow as he sipped the disgusting '_hangover cure'_. "What I have on?"

Cye took a step forward, coming around to the other side of the couch to examine him. "A winkled sweater and faded jeans? What kind of costume is that?"

"First off, it's '_me'_ and second--what costume?" Kale asked firmly. The atmosphere in the room had taken a sudden turn from calm to uncomfortable. "If that's not good enough, you can just-"

"I can just what, '_General'_?" Cye Mouri's deep voice challenged as he slid onto the couch beside him. Kale wasn't intimidated by the boy, but he wasn't in the mood to argue either. He had to admit though; if looks could kill, the warlord would have been stabbed, shot and strangled until he sunk to the ground dead. He respected that. "Forget it. Anyway, what's this costume bit?"

Cye's glare quickly washed away from disdainful to friendly (a sudden change that did not go unnoticed by the uneasy Kale). And as if Kale's luck couldn't get any worse, Cye amazingly produced a box from under the couch and shoved it with his foot. He gestured to the gaily wrapped box. "This is for you."

"Me?" Kale asked indelicately.

"You deaf?"

"Yeah, well, with the music blearing through the house who wouldn't be."

"I'll bet," Cye snorted. "This is how it is General Kale; the girls are busy decking the halls. Kento and Dais are nowhere to be found and I don't dare ask Sage. And don't ask about the others, out of the question. So yeah-" Cye looked miserable for a split second before he managed to paste an appropriate smile of holiday cheer back on his face. "This box is for you. The place could use a little livening up."

"Easy for you to say," Kale muttered. "Remind me again why I want to help?"

Cye chucked. "You're the one who came allllll the way from the Nether Realm."

"Oh. Yeah. I have some pretty stupid ideas sometimes." Kale snagged the cup again and gulped it down.

"You're a regular philanthropist, General. I thank you for your time," Cye rose fluidly from his seat and tossed the wrapped box towards Kale, who fortunately caught it. Apparently the guy recovers quickly from hangovers. "You'd better come attired appropriately or you're not going to have to worry about me. It's not like you have anything better to do either."

"You're priorities are fucked up if you think-" The annoyed warlord never finished his sentence. Cye was already gone.

Left to his demise, Kale intensely stared at the box. He then tipped the package to the side and shook it, '**hard**_'_. A '_ting-ting' _sound emitted from the object. He cocked his head over and pressed his ear closer to the package and shook it violently. Again, a '_ting-ting' _jingled. He had hoped if it was fragile he broke the '_damn' _thing. "Infuriating boy," He inhaled a deep breath and cringed _yet _again as another Christmas song reverberated through the house. It was 'Jingle Bells'-how appropriate. "At least you could turn the music down!"

The warlord was considering whether or not it would be more prudent to runaway to the tropical islands on the Nether Realm. He always wanted to see palm trees, and sandy beaches and girls in skimpy clothing on said sandy beaches. Opening the package's lid he froze. One thought crossed his mind as he took in the sight of the contents boxed within;

Cye Mouri had completely lost his fucking mind…

* * *

"Kayura, I'm telling you, it was right here under the tree!" Mia's voice was growing more strident by the minute. Ryo, who was eager to help Mia earlier, had already retreated to the kitchen where he was pretending to have an insightful conversation with White Blaze. Kayura tried glaring in his general direction, but the younger man carefully didn't notice.

"And I'm telling you I never touched it. At least, I don't think I did…" she trailed off a bit lamely, and frantically searched through the piled up packages for Mia's missing mistletoe box.

Mia tapped one foot, hands on her hips. "Oh, really? I think you were snooping around and took it."

"Or maybe Rowen took it? After all, he knows the whole mistletoe business better than I; perhaps he stole it for his own perverted reasons."

"I do not require an inanimate object to _pursue _my own pleasures." The arrogant mockery in Rowen's voice was not lost on anyone as he bolted from his sitting position. "I do just fine on my own- the very icon of a ladies man." Rowen spoke the truth. He flirted for a past time sport, had a black book that could be considered the yellow pages for women of Tokyo, and women in between. He enjoyed his nights of wickedness and in times of solitude, the good company of Mr. Frank Sinatra, whiskey and his Smokes. He also enjoyed his toys, like his Toyata 4X4, his pride and joy to which Sage's sport cars (and this is thought by way of a sneer) could never compare. Yes, indeed. No one understood the pain that came with being Japan's defender and resident Love God! He didn't need any_ 'stinkin' _mistletoe.

"Imbecile," Kayura muttered.

Fortunately, someone's feet pounding down the stairs interrupted whatever little ego outburst Rowen was having. Mia bit down on her lip and whirled around to walk off towards the hallway. Kayura sighed heavily and shook her head from side to side impatiently, mentally thanking whoever had just saved her hide--for the moment.

A sudden fit of hysterical laughter came from the small hallway, sending all the residents heading and one limping that way. They all exchanged puzzled looks.

Mia came back into view, her hand wrapped around someone's wrist. "I…I …dear lord…uh-" she said, in between gasped out giggles. Ultimately she gave up on what she was trying saying and gave a hard tug on the captive wrist, pulling Kale into view.

With the exception of Cye, everyone's eyes widened as they took in the sight of Kale decked out in a red felt Santa's hat – complete with jingle bells around the edge - a pair of boxer shorts covered in a pattern of reindeers, and a huge red ribbon wrapped sideways across his chest with a red bow neatly situated at his shoulder. Other than his mismatched socks, the ancient Immortal wore nothing else.

Conclusion to _Chapter 7_ will be posted in _Chapter 8_….

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**Authors Note: **Eh- a Christmas story during summer…what gives? Well, kiddies, I received more reviews than expected and thus felt compelled to add another chapter. While all my other stories have been cancelled, I still whish to finish Baby its Cold Outside. When that will be, I have no freakin' idea.

One a side note, I apologies for any grammatical errors you may have came across. Other than myself, I had no beta reader. I will get on that as soon as possible…a beta reader.

Kale is referred to as General by Cye because, well, he's a general and Cye's polite. Kale-san rubbed me the wrong way, and I wasn't planning on using Kale's last name as it's from the YST media. Therefore, General or General Kale seemed appropriate-and H.O.T. (Kale is my favorite after all)

Chapter 8 will be posted on Friday….


	8. Cye the Gambler

**Baby It's Cold Outside **

**Chapter VIII **

**_Cye, the Gambler-_**

**_conclusion to _ _Ch.__ 7 _**

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After what seemed like an eternity in the twilight zone, Sage shook his head, rousing himself from the eerie scene. He had more important things to do, like 1) get a way from Kale 2) ignore Kale's obvious attempt at attention and 3) the man had absolutely no fashion sense whatsoever. The last thought wasn't necessarily something Sage had to do, but as a man of impeccable fashion he couldn't be a witness to such a disaster. He left.

"This is the _stupidest _costume I have _ever _had to wear," Kale griped. "I want you to know that I considered leaving town rather than giving in to your little threat. You must have completely lost your mind!"

Cye slightly raised an eyebrow, which dampened Kale's ego a bit because it didn't even merit a fully raised eyebrow. _Tch, critics_.' No one seemed to notice or care about the slight maniacal twitch to Cye's lips, the glint in his eyes, and the awkward way he shrugged his shoulders. Kale noticed and he cared. The boy was dangerous with a sick twisted humor to boot.

Silence.

"Well, gee, this is certainly a bitch of a day." was about the most conversational and cool sentence Kayura could come up with given the circumstances. Ryo had already scurried off to the kitchen again where he was, no doubt, rolling on the floor.

No one spoke for another long time, until Rowen decided to be rude; it was _his_ hobby after all. "_Sweet-cakes, _what the heck were you smoking-" Rowen began, but Kale's _insidious_ stare cut him short. And in spite of himself, Rowen felt a mixed feeling of excitement and fright. _Wow._ He never thought he could sound so cool. _Insidious_… cool sounding word… he liked that word.

"That's it," Kale grumbled. "I'm going to the beach. Where's the damned teleport?"

* * *

"I can't believe you got him to do that." Cye heard Sekhmet whispered in awed approval behind his back.

"What, you didn't think I was capable of it?"

"Hmmmm..." Sekhmet opened and closed his mouth.

"What can I say, I'm a people person and therefore good at manipulating. Applied Psychology is truly an interesting subject and a handy tool." Cye opened his palm behind his back and ventured his fingers in Sekhmet's direction with a slight wiggle. "Now fork it over."

Sekhmet's brows wrinkled, but he obliged the young man by shoving a handful of gold _ryo's _into his hand. Should have figured his luck would come up snake eyes when betting with Cye.

* * *

**Authors Note: **I realize Cye is not portrayed with his cliché characteristics, but for some unknown reason, I rather enjoy a cynical, conniving Cye. Makes him H.O.T. As for Kale…I love the oppressed drunk!

I still need to find a way to sneak in Yuile. I think I might know how to do just that and make the kid tolerable at the same time. Amazing!


	9. A Gothic Intervention

**BABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE**

**_Part IX_**

**A Gothic Intervention**

* * *

Kento came to a conclusion. Christmas lights were from hell. He admitted he was powerless over Christmas lights. He thought he knew what he was doing.

He was wrong.

It didn't take long to realize if one light didn't work, the rest wouldn't as well. No matter how many times you cussed or threatened the inanimate object, there was still no flashy-flash. Then by some miracle a sign of life would show in the first strand, then the middle strand, but then it would quickly disappear. It was playing games. In the end, Kento created a beautiful tangled mess.

"Damn. I can't take this any more. Either these lights work, or…or…Damn! I hate Christmas. It sucks!"

"Hn…" Dais agreed as he took his frustration out on a light blab and crushed it within his palm. "Perhaps there is another way…"

"Like what?" snapped Kento. He threw down a pile of lights and glared at them as though they were the filthiest things he ever saw. The lights twinkled once as if to say "Ha-Ha-Ha!" and subsequently fizzled out.

"I can rewire the wires." Dais supplied simply.

"You can do that?"

"Hn…Yes, I'm quite handy with things of the electrical matter. After all, magic is a mere illusion with tricks. I use electricity often in my magic acts."

Kento twisted his hands angrily at his sides and stomped over to the Magician, only to stumble over the tangled lights. "Then why the 'hell' didn't you do that before!"

"You didn't ask."

"Shut up…"

"That's not asking for assistance."

"Just do it!"

"You know, animals learn quicker than you. Ask me kindly and I will."

* * *

A dark figure curiously watched the whole scence unfold, from the meddling of the lights to the bickering and again with the meddling. He was amused by what he witnessed, but only slightly. He was a tough one to please. Once the men climbed down the ladder the figure decided to make his appearance known and marched through the thick snow. "What did you do to Mia's house? You have so many bulbs on the outside of the house, you'd think you're celebrating General Eletric's holiday instead of Christmas."

"And who asked for your opinion-" Kento stopped in mid sentence when he turned to address the figure and recognized him immediately. "Yulie!"

The boy grunted and rolled his eyes in a 'very' uncaring way. "Who else…" One would think his reaction was out of character, but they didn't know the new Yulie.

He was a teenager.

Dais eyed the boy-no- young man that stood in front of them. The Magician was speechless to say the least. The boy known as Yulie was at least fifteen years old now and tall, almost coming to Dais's chin who was at least six-foot-two. He was also dressed in a black trench coat and black army boots. In fact, black seemed to be a common theme in his attire. He even polished his nails black, lips and outlined his eyes in black eyeliner. The only thing that wasn't black were the chains he wore around his neck and his pale skin. "What happened to him?" Dais whispered to Kento.

Kento smiled blandly before replying in similar fashion, "Apparently Ryo wasn't such a good role model."

"Actually," interrupted Yulie, "My therapist say's it's a phase."

"Therapist?" questioned Dais.

"Yeah, my parents insist I have one. Something about me having problems dealing with adult figures, no self esteem, yata, yata, yata…" he shrugged as if it was normal for parents to hire a therapist for their child. "I hate them."

Dais didn't respond, but he could see the antagonism oozing off the boy. He had a feeling Yulie hated everyone.

"I was staying with my folks, but like I said. I hate my family. They're boring." He looked at the house and cringed in afterthought. "But then again, you're dorks too."

"Yeah, thanks bud. Appreciate the holiday cheer." Kento couldn't honestly blame the kid's sudden interest in Goth fandom or irritable behavior. In truth, he was pretty sure he knew how it happened.

********_flash back_

* * *

Approximately three years ago at Ryo's apartment in Tokyo.

Ryo was relaxing in his bed, indulging in a slumbering sleep. He had a tiring week working as a freelance journalist at Tokyo Times and even a harder time entertaining Yulie who was visiting him for a few days. He welcomed the solitude.

It was during this solitude that Ryo would experience perhaps the most terrifying thing in his life. He heard footsteps padding across his mated floor, but his mind barely registered it. At the very least, he thought it was his house cat, Fuk-yu. He originally found Fuk-yu in a back alley not long ago and couldn't resist the hairless, one eyed and three legged cat. Since White Blaze was housed at Mia's due to the lack of space in his apartment the cat was a happy diversion. Ryo's eyebrows twitched slightly as he heard the rustling of fabric and felt someone crawling on the bed. That someone was too heavy to be a mere house cat. More importantly, since when did Fuk-yu wear clothes? That left Yulie. It was somewhat disconcerting that Yulie wanted to sleep on the same bed as Ryo. After all, the kid was twelve years old, but perhaps he was having a nightmare and didn't want to be alone. Ryo allowed the disturbance and drifted off to sleep again.

Then a warm hand pressed itself against Ryo's bare chest and a sigh of pleasure reached his ears. Ryo frowned and couldn't help the sudden uneasiness that crept through his body. Maybe Yulie was unaware where he placed his hand or maybe he thought nothing of it. Ryo cracked one eye open to check on the young boy who he considered a brother. His eyes took in the most disturbing and horrific sight he had ever seen. It would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Not only was Yulie aware of his actions, but it seemed as though the boy was puckering up his lips. If he didn't know better he could've sworn Yuilie wanted to…. kiss him. "WHAT THE HELL!" Panick rose from within and erupted as he flew off the bed to the safety of the wall. "What…er…why….what the hell!" he stammered again and tried to remain coherent as best he could. He gave up-he's not freakin' Sage when it came to bottling up emotions. The whole incident was beyond understanding. The tongue tied Ryo couldn't believe Yulie just 'TRIED' to his him and had to look at the boy for confirmation.

However, (the unclothed) Yulie couldn't come up with a reply and with a look of utter embarrassment he scooted off the bed and ran out of the room before Ryo could question him.

That's when Ryo regretted he 'ever' and let him repeat 'EVER' encouraged Yulie's admiration for him.

_end of flash back_

* * *

"Earth to Kento…you there?" Yulie clicked his fingers irritably together until he gained the other man's attention. "Space out much…geeze. As I was saying, since when do you and Dais hang out?"

"Uh…we don't!" Kento responded quickly and wished he searched for more intelligent words to use. He coughed slightly and tried again, "I mean. We don't hang. Mia invited the warlords and Kayura over for the holidays. They wanted to experience a mortal-realm Christmas."

"And you?"

"Just because I'm Buddhist doesn't mean I don't want to join the festivities. Plus, it allows me to take off since it's a holiday."

Yulie's mouth quirked upward in solemn thought as he critically analyzed the answer he received. "It's a sign..."

Kento and Dais arched their eyebrows and looked at each other in confusion.

"The fact you guys are chillin', it's a sign the end is near…we're all screwed."

'Not as screwed up as you at least' Dais added silently.

Kento irked by Yulie's new outlook on life and the imminent Armageddon trudged through the snow. Personally, he lived through one too many 'end of the world-type' disasters to give a damn. He wanted to finish the decorations. If the end came, so be it--but the freakin' lights were going up! He had 1,982 lights left to string up and make the house appear as though it was engulfed in a heavenly white light or engulfed in a giant hellish fire. Depending on ones interpretation and creative imagination. "Stop with the depressing talk kid. Why don't you help us-do something productive?"

Yulie snorted and his doe-like eyes darkened. "My therapist say's I'm incapable of being productive. I'm rebelling against-ACK!"

Dais held Yulie's throat in a tight clutch. "You either become productive or shut your trap. What you need is structure. Now pick up those festive decorations and start lighting up this place. I want it bright and I 'MEAN' bright." He whispered other firm words to Yulie before he loosened his hold slightly, giving the boy room to breath. "Is that clear boy?"

Yulie swallowed hard, trying to manage a feeble answer in the affirmative and was subsequently dropped by a satisfied Dais. "Good."

From then on Yulie didn't say a word. He only eyed Dais with heated-contempt. Kento on the other hand didn't know what to make of the situation. He was amazed at how well Yulie responded. Stunned in fact. And yes, even impressed. How in Buddha's-name did Dais get through the kid? Kento knew Mia tried on many occasions as she felt responsible for Yulie's welfare, but nothing ever worked. In truth, she believed her interference made matters worse.

Reading Kento's thoughts, Dais offered a gruff reply, "I have over fifteen children of my own and ten grandchildren and six great grandchildren and the list goes on. I've had practice in the area of rebellion."

* * *

**Authors Notes: **

Booya! I wrote a chapter-it's only been like…er…lets not get specific. I swear, I only need two or more chapters and this baby is done. It just might take me a freakin year to finish it. So sad… It's what happens when you have no time on your hands, or in my case, I procrastinate too much. Kisses to all my reviewers/readers. I love reading your replies and I do listen (just not to any request for updates) _evil laugh_ .You're reviews have me addicted…it's a good drug. FYI--Go over the chapters, you might notice a few changes. I am trying to clean them up-grammar wise-not plot wise. ;P Woo...

Another note and although not important, I mentioned a general electric joke in the begineing of the chapter- there is a GE (general eclectic) in Japan by the way. You might have also noticed Ryo's peculiar name for his cat-Fuk-Yu…it was inspired by my friend's name. Actually, now that I think about it, I should give credit to Fuk-yu for borrowing his name. ;P

PS: I need a volunteer to be my beta reader. Most of my chapters have not been edited thoroughly and I would appreciate the help. Please, pretty please--with a naked Rowen on top and all that spice.


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